I have blinked and my children are five. For the past year God has been doing some things in my life, and especially lately I have been starting to connect the dots. Steve and I have faced a period of uncertainty about our involvement here at Forest Heights. While I feel spiritually fed, we questioned whether this was a place where our kids would be able to grow spiritually. This is a long drawn out story and I will spare you the details and the reasons behind our feeling this way. Just know that God has worked in that area of our life and answered our prayers in a way we were not quite expecting. In particular, He has slowed me down. He has shown me to trust Him in the moment to meet our needs; those of Steve and I and those of our children. I have a hard time living in the moment. I tend to try to look at the whole picture and sometimes can't see
Over the past few months God has spoken to me in so many ways and in so many areas of my life. He has removed strongholds from my life. I believe He is beginning to remove strongholds from our church and He has given me such clarity about what He has called me to do. A couple of weeks ago Crissa and I attended a Mom's Conference in Birmingham. It was such a sweet time for me. A time of sharing and of prayer and growth. In one of the sessions, the speaker Angie Smith, shared these words and I believe God laid them on her heart (if for no other purpose) just for me. She said, " Motherhood is not our highest calling. Our highest calling is to glorify God. Our calling to motherhood is one way we can do that." These words hit me like a ton of bricks. I think for far too long, I have lost sight of my most high calling. I have put glorifying God on the back burner and put all my eggs in the motherhood basket. God has really began to stir me and lead me to make changes in my own life to lead my children by example to Him. He is teaching me to live with Him in mind each moment. Seeking His direction in every situation (like how to deal my tantrum throwing almost five year old). I am learning to not to just trust in His leading on the walk, but to trust in Him with each individual step.
So here we are today. Through a lengthy process and some pretty neat things God has done in our lives, Steve and I feel that in this moment our call is to continue on this journey here at Forest Heights. During this time of growth and "figuring out", God brought to mind my experiences as a child. My own mother made sacrifices in order to show me the way to Christ. Many times in our younger years Leah and I were her only students, but she was faithful every Sunday to present God and His Word in a way we could understand in the hope that one day we would make Him our own. What a reminder and encouragement this has been for me, to realize that God gave me a mother that put my own spiritual needs above her need for corporate worship for a season of her life. I believe that God has called me to this also - for this season of my life and I am trusting Him in this moment. As some of you may know, Crissa and I have humbly started a bit of a program for the 3 to 6 year old kids at FHBC. We both believe this is such an important time for these kids to really begin to know God's truths. Of course it is our job at home to train up our children, but God gives us corporate worship for a reason and it benefits our kids also. After service last Sunday night I spoke with Jim and I told him that I strongly felt Satan's pull in my mind and my life and in what God is trying to do at Forest Heights. I can only compare it to the cartoon where the devil is propped on one shoulder and God or an angel on the other. From Elijah's fall causing Crissa to miss our first week, to behavior issues (of my own child, no less), to the CD with music not working, I felt a bit discouraged. There were several times when I just wanted to bring the kitchen set back in the room and tell the kids to play while I retreated to the corner and assumed the fetal position. Persistent as He is though, God kept speaking to me. He kept reminding me that these children are my mission field. He kept telling me that these children need to hear the word of God. He was telling me to press on. Somehow through His strength, I did. That entire day I struggled with feelings of discouragement and wondered if it was worth it but during prayer service that night God revealed to me the spiritual battle taking place in my own heart and head. The very next morning during my reading that I have incorporated into my quiet time, Beth Moore wrote this: "The enemy is standing in your God given ground daring you to take possession of it." How true those words ring in my own life and I believe in the life of our church.
Last week many of the prayers offered up during our prayers service revolved around the mention of our mission field outside the walls of this church and while outreach is so very important, we have a mission field right up that hill. Most of our children may grow up in Christian homes but they are unsaved. It pains me to say that about my own kids but it is true. I think sometimes believer's children are seen as not in need. They are no sure bet and they need the Lord just as much as the next person. They need to know and experience the love of Jesus. If we cannot feed our own will God give us others to feed? My hope and prayer for tonight is that you ask God where you fit in to this equation. Every person can be led by God to play a part in this ministry. As a parent, I covet your prayers. Not everyone can go up the hill and serve but maybe you could pray for one child every week or one teacher every week. Allow God to lead you and show you how He can use you.
And there you have it. Vulnerable me bearing my soul on this blog to all four people that read it.
